What if I were to hold me

And why would I write:

there almost isn't time to write

its an anchor point for the thoughts

I am interested in where to find my longing for a partner.. 

It isn't satisfied by the finding of a partner -- I mean in part, sure it is,

But it continues, to show me what I am looking for..

If only my heart was heard, with the same generosity a good friend hears my heart

If only someone looked out for me and watched the steps I was taking

Saying Careful there! or Let me hold your hand for this bit!

If only a wordless hug at the end of the day, or the beginning of the day

You've got this, I know what you carry, I'm carrying it with you.

And so what is this voice?

That continues to show what I appear to lack in the physical? 

Its asking me to step up

Into that role

Self-love, self-support, self-guide, self-lookout

And I don't want to

I fight it, I think, at least in part.

I crossly stamp a foot of Its someone else's job to do that for me

I can do it for them too and we would be a forever team

I love togetherness, reciprocity, being bound to another -- until that bind hurts me, 

then I'm not so sure

And I wish to be free of the binds

But the bind serves to mirror back the lacking in one's own circle 

(does it? maybe...) 

It bites, a regret, a trapping

 In Matt Kahn's words, it shows where next needs my loving focus.

And what if I now, were to hug this being that is me, 

Wordlessly, without judgement, dropping the story or analysis

Simply hold

Me

You're the best